Monday, August 31, 2009

my temple

so i went to work out today. i am hoping to get to workout more frequently. i am looking inside myself. what i have found is that i have to create in me a temple for the Lord to dwell. i have to work at the person that i am. it is no enough to work on the spiritual. this body that the Lord has given me is to be cherished and loved. i find that difficult to do sometimes. it is easier for me to say i am fat and ugly and move on from there. it is easier to maintain the idea that this is all that i am. the problem with that is this is not the type of place that i can have for the Master. i am capable of creating a palace. i can create in me a place that is grand. if i work at all that i can be then will i know that i have done all that i can do. i'm not working towards perfection. Jesus is the only true perfection. i just want to know that i have done everything i can do to please the Lord. i want to walk in the greatness that He has in store for me. i want to live the greatness.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

yearning for a deeper connection

recently, i have been dealing with a lot of changes in the lives of my children. aside from starting school and the three of them in three different buildings, they have grown a ton. as i watch them grow, i am reminded of the importance of my relationship with the Father. i see the importance of Him walking with them as they are away from me. then i realize that i need Him to walk with me too. i know He is walking with me but i need to invite Him to continually reside in me.



how the heck do i do that? i struggle for "me" time and now i am considering giving that time to Him. and i crazy? well, yes actually i am but not because of this. i need to find a way to focus on Him. i guess in some way by giving the time to Him, i am giving it to me. i want to learn more about all that He has to offer me.



part of learning about the abundance that He has for me is delving into the study of His word. that is where we find the abundance. i feel like i just don't know as much as i can. i just don't seem to retain it like i wish i could. there are people in my life that are able to share scripture with me and it just comes to them. i'm lucky if i can remember the books of the Bible let alone what the Bible says with any definitive purpose. i have a general idea of the Bible's teachings but i am longing for more.



i want to live the example of what God has for me. i want my children to know the intimacy that God can have with them. i don't want them to be afraid to share the closeness they are capable of having with Christ. i pray that God resides in their hearts because of their own invitation. i can only be the example of that by continuing the invitation myself.



wow! did all that just come from me? really? pray for me!

Monday, June 8, 2009

sorry

i'm finding myself at a bit of a crossroads in my relationship with my dad. this crossroads has caused me to ponder the words "i'm sorry!" so often we say these words because we are supposed to or we are told to. when we say these words, it implies that we have some sorrow or remorse for an act or communication that has been hurtful.



i am at a point in my relationship with my dad where i feel like i am called to say the words "i'm sorry!" the problem with this situation is that i am torn between my need to express remorse for hurtfulness and the risk that he will continue to hurt me with his words and actions.



recently, he was hurtful to me. he was not supportive the way i think a dad should be. he said hurtful things to me and others at a gathering in my home. he left my home without saying goodbye. he could not be happy for me and my son without seeming to need something for himself. i felt like i was just a person not so much his daughter.



i was hurtful to him because i didn't call him on his birthday. when he left my house without saying goodbye, i lost the opportunity to give him his gift and invite him for dinner for his birthday. i was so hurt by his inconsiderate exit that i didn't call him on his birthday either.



that was 6 weeks ago. we have not spoken since. what do i do? i am so tired of my relationship being what he needs or expects it to be without reguard to me. he has always had the expectation that i will call him on the phone weekly or biweekly. i am an extremely busy mom and wife. i seldom have time to stop and make a phone call let alone stay on the phone for any length of time. it isn't that i don't want to talk. i really do not have the time.



what do i do?



please pray that God will lead me.



Saturday, June 6, 2009

today is race day

i woke up this morning at the bright hour of 6:00am. ordinarily getting up this early would make me groan. today i rose and reminded myself that today was race day. the race day. the day we had been talking about, thinking about, hoping for, and praying for. today was Aiden's Run. Aiden is a sweet little boy who has MPS, Hunter's Syndrome. the challenges his family faces are great. the financial needs this family has in one year just because of medical bills far exceeds what most of us make in five years time.


so i went through my house waking my family. i laid in bed with monkey and princess, who had a sleepover. i stroked their hair and spoke softly reminding them that today was the day. i laid there thanking God that my kids are healthy. i laid there praying for God to have His hand in this day.


with that, i prepared my family for the day. we dressed in our support Aiden t-shirts. monkey and i donned our cub scout uniforms as we were working the registration and water tables with our cub scout pack. away we went with all the energy that God had given us at the early hour to help Aiden.


we got the race ready. we posted signs. we prepared the raffle. our kids played with all of the others, Aiden included. we put out water and boxes of fruit. we readied the place and ourselves for this little race to help Aiden and his family.


oh my, God really did have His hand in this day. when we started the planning, we hoped for 100 runners. going into today, we had 210 pre-registered runners. on site, we had 57 more runners register. 267 people came out and paid money to run 3.1 miles all for this little boy and his family.


this day gave athlete boy the opportunity to run his first ever 5K. he is built to be a runner. we have to be careful with the distance we allow him to run because he is still growing and we don't want to damage his growth plates. 5K is the longest race we will allow him to race right now. he was ready and, he is a fast runner. needless to say, athlete boy won his age division. i am so proud. i am also reminded how blessed i am to have healthy children.


as for the rest of my gang, they got involved as well. princess ran the kids race(half mile). she is proud to have her kiddie medal. monkey helped pass out water to all the runners. monkey and i along with some of the other scouts ran the last 2/3 mile of the race after the last runner/walker passed. as for husband, he ran the 5K race too. he finished right on 30 minutes.


this was a wonderful family day. i am reminded of the blessing that i have with healthy children. i am also reminded that the limitations that others have do not define who they are. while Aiden is sick and the race was for his benefit, he is just a little boy with challenges. he is a little boy with a great big smile.


to learn more about how you can help aiden and his family visit http://www.supportaiden.com/.

Monday, May 11, 2009

darn dog


so let me start by saying i really do love my dog. he is a cute fluffy little thing with great people skills. well, most of the time. he is however, an escape artist.

he loves to run. i was heading out to take him for his morning walk. the princess and i were going to drive up to the bike path so she could ride her dora bike while i walked the dog. she went to the bathroom while i loaded her bike into the van. i had said dog on a leash with a gentle leader. while i was waiting in the garage, it happened. he escaped from the gentle leader. how, i am not quite sure.

off he went. each time i got close he would look at me as if to say "are you crazy lady, this is a game and i am winning!" i mean is he really that dumb. doesn't he know that i feed him and water him. i bathe him. i take him for walks. only beat him when he escapes. ''

needless to say, more that 30 mins. later, i got him. he ran into the farm field across the street and through many neighbor's years. he rolled in various piles of dog feces all the while playing his little game.

he is now banished to his kennel for as long as i decide. i'm no fool. i know he doesn't know why he is still in there. he doesn't even remember why he smells like other dog's poo. it just makes me feel better to leave him in there. besides, he is sleeping.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

the great search

i have been blessed to be at home with my children for their whole lives. i work in the evenings when husband is home. with the economy the way it is, i have met myself at a crossroads. i cannot imagine anyone else caring for the princess. i gave the time to the boys and a part of me feels guilty for even thinking of taking it from the princess. i have to consider what is best for our whole family. the economy is so tight and we can't quite make it the way it is now. with the drop in the economy, people are not eating out the way they used to. with less business at the restraunt, less money for me. i am doing the best with what i have but it is not enough.

now what do i do?

i pray that the Lord will guide me. i am searching for the right place for me and the princess. i have a dear friend that i know would help me with the princess's care. i trust her completely. it is not that i doubt her. i don't want anyone else raising my children. the blessing with this possibility is that i could be home in the evenings. that would give me more time with all of the children. as it is right now, on work days, i get about an hour with the boys before i have to leave for work.

i am walking with God who has always seen me through. i believe that He will give me what i need. the controlling part of me is having a difficult time leaving this in His Hands. i want it in mine. i know there is a place out there for me. i know that God will put in front of me. my prayer is that i will see it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

starting this blog thing again

so here i am again. i posted in august but left it at that. i am going to try harder at this blog thing. i have a couple of friends who blog and enjoy it. i think if i put my effort into it, it will be enjoyable to me too. i'm hoping it will help me get the thoughts outside of my head. if i clear my head, i can make more room for God to enter. so here goes!








i am wife to a wonderful man. i haven't figured out the whole code name for him yet. so for now we will call him husband. we have been married for eleven years. we have seen our share of challenges through the years. we always seem to come through life's curves standing together. husband has started running and in the last year lost 70+ lbs. i am so incredibly proud of him. God blessed us with three wonderful children and a dog.



athlete boy who is ten and in the fourth grade. he wants to be very athletic but his metabolism keeps that from happening. he is underweight in spite of our best efforts. he has recentley discovered that he likes running. he is built for it and good at it too. then there is the monkey, my seven year old son. he is a bundle of energy who is sometimes confused about life. we are currently working on helping him be the best monkey he can be. he was recently diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. that was the greatest thing that could happen for our family. it has really openned my eyes to why monkey does things in the manner that he does. we are working on getting him in occupational therapy to help with fine motor skills. as summer approaches, we may consider medicine but for now, we take it one day at a time.
then there is our princess. she is our sassy, three year old little girl. i am amazed every day at how she grows. she looks nothing like her brothers. she has beautiful blue eyes and blond hair. she has all the attitude of a three year old and smart too. she goes to preschool two days a week and loves it when it is a school day.
we also have our puppy. when i married husband, i never thought we would have a dog. husband has allergies. well, we found some breeds of dogs that are hair dogs instead of fur. puppy doesn't shed or have an undercoat. he does require more care because he doesn't loose his hair like other dogs. we have to cut his hair much like we cut our hair. he is a great dog and loves the kids.






that tells you about my family. now, a little about me. i am a stay at home mom who works out of the home in the evenings. for some that may seem like opposites. my family is always my first priority. when our children are not in my care, they are usually in husband's care. i am currently exploring the possibility of joining the ranks of working moms. we shall see. i am keeping myself open to where God needs me to be. i won't take a job to pay the bills if it doesn't make me happy. i am also the asst. cub master and den leader for monkey's cub scout pack. at first i took on these roles because there was a need. funny thing, i secretley kinda like it. it is more work than others realize but worth it. monkey loves scouts and so do i. i a cathechist(religion teacher) for the second grade. being a catholic family, that means i help to prepare children to receive Jesus in forgivness and body. this is one of those things that takes alot of work for little money but greater reward.






well, there you have it. i will post more later. i invite you to enjoy the journey with me. God has given me this one life. i will try to live it the only way i know how. there will be times when i forget that God is walking this journey with me. it is like the footprints in the sand. even when i don't know He is there, He is.