i'm finding myself at a bit of a crossroads in my relationship with my dad. this crossroads has caused me to ponder the words "i'm sorry!" so often we say these words because we are supposed to or we are told to. when we say these words, it implies that we have some sorrow or remorse for an act or communication that has been hurtful.
i am at a point in my relationship with my dad where i feel like i am called to say the words "i'm sorry!" the problem with this situation is that i am torn between my need to express remorse for hurtfulness and the risk that he will continue to hurt me with his words and actions.
recently, he was hurtful to me. he was not supportive the way i think a dad should be. he said hurtful things to me and others at a gathering in my home. he left my home without saying goodbye. he could not be happy for me and my son without seeming to need something for himself. i felt like i was just a person not so much his daughter.
i was hurtful to him because i didn't call him on his birthday. when he left my house without saying goodbye, i lost the opportunity to give him his gift and invite him for dinner for his birthday. i was so hurt by his inconsiderate exit that i didn't call him on his birthday either.
that was 6 weeks ago. we have not spoken since. what do i do? i am so tired of my relationship being what he needs or expects it to be without reguard to me. he has always had the expectation that i will call him on the phone weekly or biweekly. i am an extremely busy mom and wife. i seldom have time to stop and make a phone call let alone stay on the phone for any length of time. it isn't that i don't want to talk. i really do not have the time.
what do i do?
please pray that God will lead me.
Giveaways Galore!
6 years ago
2 comments:
I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I'll pray for you and your dad, that God will touch your hearts and help you both find words that will be comforting and true for each other. Hang in there!
For what it's worth...
When you know you need to ask forgiveness, you're saying, "no matter what happens going forward, what I did in this situation was wrong". I never say "I'm sorry" w/o also saying, "will you forgive me for (the specific wrong) and how it hurt you?". It gives the other person the opportunity to accept my remorsefulness, as well as declare that they forgive me. This makes a huge difference for the person, having to consider whether or not s/he's willing.
Because you know you need to ask forgiveness, it doesn't so much matter what he did. I mean, clearly it MATTERS in how it made you feel; but because you know that you were hurtful, you have the obligation to believe God when He says in Rom 12:8, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." At least your part in asking forgiveness is up to you, and the rest is between him and the Lord!
Is it easy? Heck no, it's extremely awkward at first. But it's good. It's so, sooo good. It's best to do these things face-to-face. Let him see in your face that you're truly sorry and want his forgiveness.
One last thing. Calling my friends while on the road has changed my friendships, even when I say, "Hey, I'm headed to so and so and I have 5 minutes, but it was important to me to check in with you".
Like I said, for what it's worth.
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